I cannot find my penis.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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