Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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