if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Drunk is not a location!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
