My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
