If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm passing your future prison.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
