I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you win again, gameday.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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