i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
