I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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