Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
