someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
