So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
