Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
