so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
