it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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