My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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