Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
