You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
There's even glitter on my cock...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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