I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
