idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
