You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
