Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
