I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize