do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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