so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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