just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
