i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Randomize
