We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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