Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
