my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
