If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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