im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
