After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
