Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
