Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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