The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
