Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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