But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
