Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
