Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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