i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
