I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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