Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
