Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
