How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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