How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
