Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
