he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
