it hurts more in the daytime
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
