Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
