You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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