he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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