your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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