Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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