is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
