Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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