we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
