On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
