the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
