the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
