I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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