It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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