my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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