last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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