i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
