Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
is wine microwaveable?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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