everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
