Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
